omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
