Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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