I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
