I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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