pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
