I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
