so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
