Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
