I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
