he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
