I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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