Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
