Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh god it's open bar.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
