Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
