There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
