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• (302): View more from Delaware

  He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.

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• (714): View more from California

  Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

  (562): View more from California

  You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

  (714): View more from California

  Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking

  (815): View more from Illinois

  the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  .... Seriously?

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  That's $100,000 of quality education right there.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.

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