what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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