Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
