Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
