A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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