Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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