She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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