Only a mothe r could love this liver
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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