so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
