So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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