i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
