I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
