Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
