2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
