I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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