so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
