We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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