I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
