So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
