both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
