I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize