you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
