You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
