The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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