i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
