She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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