Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I would fuck him just for his dog
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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