in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
