I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
