So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Drunk is not a location!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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