He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize