Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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