Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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