Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
