Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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