Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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