how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
