Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
