you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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