If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
