Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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