so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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