woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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