i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
