What a fucking waste of an outfit
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
