return my video game
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
