its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
