i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
