Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
