Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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