look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
