Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
