He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
