You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
