i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
