I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
