im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize