Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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