I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
