I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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