How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
