Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
