Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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