New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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