So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
