people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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