Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize