Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
