Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
