new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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