I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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