The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
