I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
