sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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