Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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