I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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