u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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